"Our Darshan today is Avi Peretz." 6 words – never spoken here before, and based on how I do today, may or may not ever be spoken again.
Alisa convinced me to do this because, she said, these are the "dog days of Av." "Everyone is away." "Anyone can do a drash this time of year." Well, I’ve been here the last 3 weeks, and we’ve had Joel Grossman, Bob Braun & Michael Berenbaum giving drashes. They probably have Brad Artson scheduled for next week. A line from Berenbaum really struck me. He was speaking in Kiev, and a member of the audience, responding to Michael’s admission that he was speaking Yiddish for the 1
st time, said "we know." I’m hoping you won’t have the same reaction to my 1st drash here.So who do we have to blame for my being up here today? Or who should take credit for it? We won’t know which until I’m done because blame and credit, flip sides of the same coin, typically can’t be assessed until after the fact.
As humans, blame is something we are ever so quick to dish out. The minute something goes wrong, the search inevitably starts. Typically, it’s a shotgun-blast of blame pellets that spread out as they travel. Why is it that we are so quick to blame? We don’t like it when we hear others doing it, especially if they are blaming us. But that does not seem to stop us from doing it.
Usually the language of blame is not the most inspiring either. And actual culpability is not overly relevant. Blame gets dispensed regardless of fault. Often we are just as quick to blame ourselves, hanging our heads in disgust or embarrassment.
So, what is the antidote for blame? What is the more desirable reaction to events not working out as we had planned or hoped, or perhaps the unexpected happening? Answer: "Taking responsibility." Great words, spoken often, and often while in the middle of blaming someone. "I’m taking full responsibility for what happened, although that blankety-blank caused the whole thing in the first place."
Then, what does it truly mean to take responsibility for things that happen? Well, it usually means that the object of the blame becomes irrelevant, and the precipitating event is now the focus. In other words, if you’re not wasting time figuring out who to blame for what happened, then you’re moving forward solving the issue or problem. "OK, a screw-up happened; forget about it; let’s just take care of the matter rather than spending a bunch of time figuring out who to dump on." It seems so logical; it should be so easy. Well then why do so many of us, regardless of our wisdom and discernment, spend so much time blame-mongering?
This "taking responsibility" stuff is all kind of New Age type of thinking, so I decided to seek the counsel of a New Age thinker – in fact, the first New Age thinker, Moshe.
Let’s look at this week’s parsha, Va-Etchanan, for guidance. You might have thought that I might talk about some of the more weightier topics in Va-Etchanan, like the 10 Commandments or the Shma, but I will leave that to weightier people.
Chapter 3, Verse 26. I am happy to read the line to you so that you don’t have to shuffle with the Chumashim. But if you insist, it’s on page 1005. Moses, the quintessential leader, the greatest Jew of all time, is discussing why God won’t let him into the Promised Land:
"The Lord was wrathful with me on your account and would not listen to me."
What? Moshe Rabbeinu – engaging in the Blame Game just like us common folk? How could you? I’m sure it was a slip of the tongue. So, let’s look a couple of verses later for redemption, Chapter 4, Verse 21 (Page 1011).
"Now the Lord was angry with me on your account and swore that I should not cross the Jordan and enter the good land that the Lord your God is assigning you as a heritage. For I must die in this Land; I shall not cross the Jordan. But you will cross and take possession of that good land."
The very next line is:
"Take care, then, not to forget the covenant that the Lord your God concluded with you, and not to make for yourselves a sculptured image in any likeness, against which the Lord your God has enjoined you. For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, an impassioned God."
Wow! What’s the deal? Moses repeats the same language of blame (not that any of us would ever do that). He is also juxtaposing his not going to the Promised Land (for which he clearly blaming the people) with the 3
rd Commandment! Maybe the key line is about God being a consuming fire, consuming Moses’s intense desire to get in to the Promised Land. Maybe, inadvertently, Moses is giving God’s reason for his not going in – because the people will make Moses into that sculptured image.Now, we all know Moses is just as human as the rest of us and he is not to be elevated to god-like status, but I was kind of hoping that he would give us a little more inspiration to seek the higher "I’m responsible" plain. But blame is blame, and we all do it – even though it never sits well with those that have to listen to it. Look at God’s reaction: Chapter 3, Verse 26 (Page 1005)
"Enough! Never speak to Me of this matter again".
Short and sweet. Pretty much says it all. Even God is tired of hearing Moses go on about this. One can only guess how the people feel.
Perhaps, however, Moses’s blaming of the people for not getting into the Promised Land is justified. Perhaps it’s just a simple statement of fact with no other hidden meanings or agenda. Even Freud supposedly said that sometimes a banana is just a banana (I got that from Grossman’s R-rated drash from 3 weeks ago). [This is Joel’s Bar-Mitzvah portion. So if I run into problems, he’s told me he is ready to pinch hit. Thanks, Manny.]
Why doesn’t Moses take responsibility? Hasn’t he read any of those New Age books? By the way, I don’t want to bicker with Moses, and he was there when all this happened, but as I recall the story, God said that he would not get into the Promised Land because he either hit the rock when he should have talked to it, or out of anger he said that he would be providing the water to the those rebels rather than God. Either way, it sounds like Moses is doing everything but taking responsibility for something that at a minimum he played a critical role in creating.
So what can we learn from this? That Moshe was not perfect? While the Torah is quite open about that, we do tend to exalt Moshe to great heights, even if we don’t invite him to our Pesach Seders. There is something comforting about Moses not being perfect. They say that "the perfect is the enemy of the good." Maybe the perfect is also the enemy of the great.
So, what should Moshe have done? If he had taken responsibility for his conduct, then we could have all moved on. It would not have been an issue at all. "OK, so I don’t get into the Promised Land; no problem; let’s get back to the Chukim & Mishpatim – the Rules & Regs." But by moving on, perhaps we would have lost some of the importance and significance of what is the Promised Land. Seeing Moses, as great as he is, looking every which way to blame someone/anyone for not being able to achieve his ultimate dream tells us how crucial this was for him, and should be for us.
"Taking responsibility" is the head taking over from the heart – logic over emotion. Blame is emotion – usually anger. But maybe the lesson is that these knee-jerk angry emotional outbursts against others should be reserved for something that really justifies it, not just part of our everyday experience. In some ways, Moses doesn’t seem petty when he is blaming; instead we "feel his pain" [to quote another imperfect leader]. He is missing out on the biggest reward of his life, something that he truly earned and deserved, something that he devoted his life to. This is not just some everyday common occurrence that Moshe is overreacting to.
Perhaps when we next hear ourselves dispensing blame – especially in that petty way we all know only too well – we could stop and ask ourselves, are we reserving this reaction for something as important as whether we get in to the Promised Land? Perhaps the next time we hear ourselves blaming someone for anything, we will pause and ask ourselves: Does the matter at hand over which we are expending so much negative emotional capital rise to that level of importance. If not, then maybe a lesson we can glean from this week’s parsha is that we should stop, and instead concentrate on moving on.
Shabbat Shalom.