At the beginning of this week's sedra, Abraham is sitting outside his tent when three men appear and Abraham invites them to dinner. One of the men tells Abraham that Sarah, who is 90 years old, will bear a son within the year. Sarah, inside the tent, preparing the noonday meal, hears the prediction and laughs to herself. It is that laugh I want to talk about.
Rashi interprets "laugh to herself" to mean "to her belly", Sarah anticipating Isaac's birth, a joyous laughter, but Ramban comments that although laughter, out loud, from the mouth, is a joyous laughter, inward laughter, laughter to oneself, is not a joyous laughter. Sarah's laugh is an inside laugh, not an outside laugh. Just as Abraham lives in an outside world, Sarah lives in an inside world, constrained to stay behind the door of the tent. Sarah's laugh seems to be a nervous laugh, an anxious laugh.
In the sedrah, G-d asks Abraham, with Sarah listening behind the tent door - why Sarah is laughing. The question is not posed directly to Sarah, as if she does not really exist, but Sarah hears the question and denies she laughed and G-d replies that she did laugh, thus in effect calling her a liar - and then specifically questions her faith, a double whammy.
Sarah will never forget this laugh. The son she was to bear, named "laughter", was a constant reminder. How ironic that it was Isaac who bore that name of laughter. Years ago, Miriam gave a drosh here at the minyon, developing the theory of some modern commentators that Isaac never recovered from the akedah experience - that it marred his life thereafter, that is was as if he had died, at least emotionally. In later life, blind to the future and blind physically, he was deceived by his mail order bride into giving the blessing to her, not his, favorite son. Lots of laughs.
Like Isaac, Sarah's life was not to be filled with laughter. Twice, Abraham risks her life to save his own and there is an enduring tradition that Sarah died when she believed that Isaac had in fact been sacrificed.
As to Sarah's response to G-d's question, I assume that most of us have thought, at one time or the other, of a great response to something said to us. Unfortunately, at least for me, it's usually the next day, when it is too late to respond. The literature is filled with timely responses, a classic being Disraeli's response to Gladstone when Gladstone, during an argument with his competitor, angrily stated: "I predict that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." I could never react that quickly, nor could Sarah. What might have Sarah said when challenged about her laugh - perhaps, "I'd never seen this man before. For all I know he could have been selling insurance with maternity benefits he claimed I would now need. The men did not identify themselves as your messengers. In fact, I didn't even see them. I was back here in the kitchen." Possibly the truth. Or she might have said, "I did take him seriously. I knew he was your messenger. It was a laughter of joy. I have waited so long." Again, possibly the truth. Or she might have said, "I'm sorry; I was taken by surprise. " That's what she might have said, but she didn't. Instead, she lied - she lied to G-d.
Adam and Eve lied to G-d, and Cain told G-d he did not know where Abel had gone - but the matriarch Sarah lying to G-d? The Torah explains that Sarah lied because she was afraid. Afraid of what? Perhaps she felt her response would be thought of as a giggle and she was afraid she would not be regarded as a serious person, a person of gravitas. After all, she was not even thought worthy enough to have been part of the conversation. The angel had spoken to Abraham about the upcoming birth and not to her; although she would be the one bearing this child. A giggle would definitely not do.
Perhaps she was afraid that she would be accused of not having faith. Faith is the test throughout Breishit. Did she fail the one test she would have? Abraham, not demonstrating faith, had been willing to sacrifice her twice - once with Abimelech and once with pharaoh, and some commentators list other failures of faith as well, but these would be forgotten when Abraham's faith would be tested at the akedah. She may have sensed he would be given another chance. Would she get another chance to prove her worth? To prove her faith? To be taken seriously? This was G-d calling her a liar and one lacking faith - questioning both her faith and her sense of worthiness.
Sarah was concerned about being taken seriously. Eventually, of course, she is taken seriously when she wants Hagar and Ishmael out of their lives and G-d says to Abraham. "Listen to Sarah", but that's not in this sedrah.
I've thought a lot about that recently. Miriam and I have been married for 50 years and we have witnessed many changes. More than 40 years ago, Miriam and I founded the first Conservative day school in the Western states, a community school, Akiba
Academy, now part of Sinai. I was its first president, and remained president for years, but it was Miriam's idea. It was she who badgered the professionals in the Conservative movement to form a Conservative movement day school- without success. "Wonderful idea, Miriam. Someday, we might just do that." "When the meshiach comes", thought Miriam, and she said to me that if they won't do it, we must - without money but with determination. And so we invited all the Conservative rabbis and the leaders of Hebrew High and UJ and the other professionals to a meeting at a friend's house in Beverly Hills, on a evening in Spring, and they came, and we announced that in the Fall, there would be a Conservative movement, Solomon Schechter day school - with them or without them - but if they wanted to have a say, they should join us in this community effort - and they did.
We searched for a location, settling on rooms in a school building at Sinai about to be built, and we scrounged for kids, the school growing one year at a time. It was all Miriam's idea; and it was Miriam who endlessly talked parents into sending their children and calmed them when we needed temporary housing for half a year because the Sinai building was not built in time, but I became president. 40 years later, after Akiba became part of Sinai and various synagogues formed their own schools, who did Sinai invite to its 40th anniversary dinner, me. I didn't go but when I read of Sarah's inward laugh, I thought of those early Akiba days.
Of course, there were no women rabbis then, and imahot had not yet marched into the amidah I don't remember women shool presidents and Miriam would not have been invited to read torah, but at least as to those events more than 40 years ago, and in many ways even now, Sarah would have laughed inwardly and said, "What else is new? They don't listen to you."
The second aspect of the Sarah's laugh is even more universal, the questioning of one's faith. G-d challenging us, and what do we say? "I have a continual faith" and G-d, or the
G-d within us, the very core of our being, says: "You have doubted. You are lying. You often lie to yourself."
Lying to others is often treated rather cavalierly it Tanach. The key question in those times and in these, is whether, too often, we laugh to ourselves - lie to ourselves.
Not lying to others? Of course, that's important- I spent more than 40 years prosecuting those who lie to others. Condemning those lies is easy, but our most serious challenge, and the challenge suggested by today's sedrah, is about not lying to ourselves.
Sarah approves this message.