The name of this week’s parsha, Matot, means "tribes," and comes from the first few words of the parsha in which Moshe speaks to the heads of the tribes. Specifically, Moshe tells them the laws dealing with vows. Specifically, Moshe instructs that God has commanded two sets of rules for vows, one for males and one for females. In the case of a male, if he vows to prohibit himself from something (such as wine) his vow stands. However, in the case of women, if a woman lives in her father’s home while she is young and makes a vow and her father hears it and is silent, then the vow stands. If however, her father hears the vow and revokes it, then the vow is null and void, and God will forgive her for not carrying out the vow. If a woman gets married while under the obligation of a vow, and her husband learns of the vow and is silent, she is obligated to keep it; but upon learning of the vow, her husband may revoke it. So too, if a woman is married and makes a vow in the presence of her husband and her husband is silent, then the vow stands. If however her husband hears the vow and revokes it, then the vow is null and void, and God will forgive her for not carrying out the vow.
Two questions emerge from this opening passage. First, why did Moshe first give these instructions to the heads of the tribes, instead of his usual practice of telling the entire people about what God has commanded? Second, why should males and females be treated differently in the case of vows? Tackling the easier question first, commentaries tell us that the tribal leaders have a special responsibility when it comes to keeping their word. The Etz Chaim chumash quotes the Hatam Sofer as saying that people in high public office are more often tempted to make promises they cannot keep, so these laws are of special import to them. That comment sure has a modern application.
The Talmud also teaches that tribal leaders were in a unique position regarding vows taken by members of their tribes. The leader of a tribe had the authority to nullify a vow taken by a member of his tribe. This special responsibility is underscored by the fact that Moshe presents these laws first to the tribal leaders, so that they could appreciate their special role in the case of vows.
As for a father or husband nullifying the vows of a daughter or wife, the first answer is that the Torah was written in a different time and, in the words of Etz Chaim’s comment on Chapter 30 verse 5, "The sense her of the married woman as subservient in the early period of our tradition, however, seems unavoidable." Having said that, is there anything else to talk about? Perhaps there is. It seems to me that there may be an analogy to the Talmudic principle that women are exempted from time-bound positive commandments (mitzvat asay she’hazman gramma). For example, reciting the shema by a certain time of the morning is a positive commandment, but women are exempted from it, and other time-bound commandments because of their child care duties. Perhaps it is a bit sexist in the year 2005 to think of women as primary caregivers, but in many if not most families that is the case. The Rabbis recognized this fact by exempting women from certain mitzvoth, so that they would not be in the untenable position of having to leave their children in order to fulfill a certain mitzvah.
Using the principle that women are exempt from time-bound mitzvoth as a premise, perhaps we can gain a new insight into the husband’s authority to revoke an oath. It could happen that a woman, full of religious fervor, could make an oath imposing various restrictions upon herself. Yet, it could be that these restrictions would leave her in a weakened or distracted state, and could lead to the possibility that she would neglect child-care responsibilities. Perhaps a husband, upon hearing of the vow, would intercede so that the woman’s religious feelings would not go too far, and potentially cause her to put aside her primary responsibilities. The notion is that, as in the case of time-bound mitzvoth, for the primary caregiver, children come first, religious observance second. Just as the leaders of the tribes were in a special position when it came to vows, so too were the women who were given the most important role in each family, raising the children.
Shabbat shalom