How many of us, upon visiting a shiva house, have heard people say to the mourner, "I know that you are in pain now, but soon you will feel better. Soon your life will seem full again." Or what about the words offered to a woman who has miscarried: "At least you are young; you will have more children. In the future you will look back on this and realize that it was blessing."
For so many of us, it is difficult to simply be with another person in pain. We want to help the person we face, we want to reassure them that the future will bring hope and healing. We want to fix it. But the question is: Can they really hear us? Can they really grasp the idea of a space and time in which their pain will abate? Are they just too absorbed with grappling with the present, wondering how they will endure just another minute, just another hour, just another day?
In the week's parashah, (Exodus 6), Moshe speaks to B'nai Israel, telling them:
"I will take you out from the burdens of Egypt and I will rescue you from their bondage and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm . . . And I will bring you to the land . . . and I will give it to you as an inheritance. . . "
But they did not heed Moshe out of shortness of breath and hard bondage. The commentator Meshech Hochma (R. Meir Simcha of Dvinsk 1843-1926) tells us that the reason why B'nai Israel didn't hear Moshe was because he chose to mention both their present suffering and the future, together in the same breath. This commentator reminds us that a person who has a difficult lot in the present moment, cannot be open to contemplating a better time in the future. B'nai Israel couldn't breathe consistently because of what they were experiencing at that moment.
And so the commentator teaches us that B'nai Israel couldn't hear Moshe because he mentioned the hope of the future. The mention of hope obscured the possibility of their hearing his words as words of comfort. We can learn from Moshe's choice of words to select our own words carefully and ask ourselves the question: "Can this person/these people really hear what I have to say right now?" In asking ourselves this question, we will find that the best way to help those we care about is to help them "breathe" through difficult situations. Contemplation of hope can wait.
Shabbat Shalom.